As a sensitive person, I used to get my feelings hurt a lot (although I was really good at hiding it). Through the years of my healing journey, I have learned a great deal about why people hurt your feelings. By taking a look at these three reasons and implementing the information into your daily life, you’ll free yourself of a lot of the hurt that is created by others. Here they are:
Reason #1: They think they are doing you a favor – Growing up, I was regularly warned that I had “bad genes” and that I was “destined” to be fat. This was a belief that my parents had that they’d say to me to “scare” me from getting fat. They figured if they told me that over and over, I would be super careful with my habits and avoid gaining weight. Many of my clients relate to this. Instead, I felt defective and like there was nothing I could do (my body would fail me anyway). Of course this wasn’t my parents’ intention, but that’s what happened. By “doing me a favor”, they were actually unknowingly hurting my feelings. If someone that loves you is telling you something that is hurting you, ask yourself what their intention is behind what they are saying. Are they trying to do you a “favor”? Do they think they are telling you something because they love you? Try to see the situation from their eyes, it’ll make it a lot easier not to take it personally.
Reason #2: Hurt people hurt people – I love this saying! Unfortunately, I never heard this truth until after college. While I was definitely liked by a lot of people growing up, I also got bullied by older girls who were recreating how they were treated by other girls. While I consciously knew I hadn’t done anything to make them not like me, I had this voice in my head that said, “what’s wrong with me?”. It really hurt my feelings and impacted my self-esteem. The bottom line is, when people are hurt, they try to project that hurt onto other people. And the people they target are often the super passive ones who will just take it instead of participating in confrontation (that was me and is a lot of my clients). Know that if someone is saying something to intentionally be mean, it is because they are hurting and are trying to project that hurt onto you. Visualize sending their energy back to them and mentally tell them you will not be the recipient of their projection. You can also tell them that verbally, if you are comfortable.
Reason #3: You have a trigger (that has nothing to do with them) – People interpret what others say through their own lens, which is based on their past experiences and beliefs. This means that someone can say something to you and you can interpret it completely different than what they actually meant. For instance, let’s say someone rejects your date invitation. You may immediately make it mean that they don’t like you because of your physical appearance (which happens to be something that you’re really insecure about). In reality, they may have rejected you for a million reasons (including a bunch that have nothing to do with you, like they are already seeing someone). When you have a trigger (such as being insecure about your physical appearance), you can get your feelings hurt and it won’t have anything to do with the other person. By taking a look at your triggers and what originally caused them, you’re able to release them so people can’t hurt your feelings. If you need help with this, feel free to book a 1:1 session with me and we can work on it together.
Getting your feelings hurt is no fun, but we can be our own coach to help ourselves heal through our painful experiences and triggers. Over time, when someone hurts your feelings, you’ll automatically reflect on why. You will turn your pain into feedback so you can release what is no longer serving you with ease!
Now over to you…when was the last time you had your feelings hurt? Which of the three reasons do you think was the one that caused your feelings to get hurt? How does this process make it easier to let go of your hurt feelings? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below :)