As a recovering perfectionist, I have struggled a lot with confidence and worthiness. Growing up, I had terrible self-esteem (although I was pretty good at hiding it). I was constantly picking myself apart and never felt good enough. For most of my life, I told myself “when ___ (insert achievement here) happens, I’ll be happy and confident.” Many of my clients relate to this mentality.
Unfortunately, as I am sure you have found too, confidence is fleeting if you make it conditional on external things happening. I found myself in a cycle of working really hard for something, achieving it, feeling satisfied temporarily, then feeling like it wasn’t good enough, and repeating the process with some new shiny goal. No matter how many times I went through this process, I always thought that achieving something was where my confidence and worthiness would be found. But that wasn’t the case at all! Here are some steps I took that helped me create more confidence:
Step #1: Take action to create the life you want now – What are all the things that you say that you’re going to do when you feel more confident? Write a list of them! Let’s say you really want to be in a relationship, but feel like you can’t start dating until you lose 40 pounds. Instead, start dating now. You want a guy who is going to love you at any size, right? Often times the things that we’re holding off on until we reach some goal (finding a relationship, asking for the promotion, being more social) are going to be the things that raise our vibration, energy, and confidence so we can more easily achieve that thing that we’re holding off on doing until we feel more “whole”. Don’t hold off on creating you dreams, get started now!
I understand that there’s blocks that can arise around feeling confident enough to go after these goals now (instead of some future time) and it’s not always that easy. If you feel that way, feel free to book a 1:1 session and we can work on overcoming these barriers together. You don’t have to do it alone :)
Step #2: Write a belief narrative – Sometimes, it’s hard to take action when we don’t have enough confidence or belief in ourselves. Many of the women that are attracted to me as a resource focus a lot on what they haven’t accomplished, instead of giving themselves credit for what they have. This type of mindset trains us to pick out all the ways that we aren’t good enough. I love having my clients write their belief narrative.
A belief narrative is where you list all of your unique skills, talents, personality traits, education, and experiences that make you feel confident about yourself. Taking stock in this way shifts your mindset to start recognizing all the great things you have already accomplished. It also builds your belief in your ability to do anything, because you realize how much you’ve already accomplished up until this point. If you want it to be really effective, read it to yourself every morning when you wake up for at least 30 days. Bonus points if you also read it before bed! This helps retrain your subconscious/mindset and makes it much easier to feel confident.
Step #3: Release energy drains from your life – One of the things I found on my journey is that it is really hard to feel confident when your energy is drained. Not only do you not have the energy to work on your goals, you just don’t feel good. It’s very easy to get in a rut from this space and not take any action. Instead, take inventory of all the things that are draining your energy and choose to start releasing them. Generally, the more energy you have, the more confidence you will feel. Not to mention, the more likely you are to work on the things that mean the most to you. Again, this can be easier said than done, so let me know if you need help with it.
I hope these three steps empower you to create more confidence in your life. Now, over to you…what do you do when you are lacking confidence? What helps make you feel confident? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below :)